This is me, in 2003, back when I thought Yoga was ALL about the physical practice. I was invited to participate in a Yoga competition, because my physical postures were so 'good'. On the outside, yes, it appeared as though I was 'good' at Yoga. But ask me to meditate? Ask me to sit in stillness for more than a few minutes? Ask me to participate in a slow, methodical Yin Yoga class? No way. At this time of my life, I was very much about how my Yoga looked on the outside. And I won't even begin to tell you what my Yoga looked like in my daily life, off the Yoga mat. I was in my 20s... need I say more?
And that is okay. The physical practice was appealing to me, and that is what initially drew me to Yoga. And for that, I am grateful. A short while later, I followed one of my favorite Yoga teachers to another studio that she taught at. I stepped out of my comfort zone, and tried other styles of Yoga. I was rattled, and I was angry. I was asked to hold back, and not sit in my flexibility. I was asked to 'be' with the discomfort of not PROVING or SHOWING how far I could go. "Yoga isn't a competition, even if you're only competing with yourself." I didn't like that. Why wouldn't I do standing splits, if I knew I COULD do standing splits??? My internal pot was getting stirred up, and it was very uncomfortable. Maxing out our bodies isn't what Yoga is about. Pushing and forcing to the point of exhaustion and/or injury isn't what it's about. Of course there are times when we might want to test our physicality, to see what is possible, but this should never be the norm. As our lovely teacher Brookesays, "Advanced Yoga is not advanced asana, it's advanced awareness." And advanced awareness is so much broader than the scope of our Yoga mat. I was soon discovering that my Yoga practice was shifting to what was going on with me, on the inside. All the thoughts, and feelings I had about my practice, and all the thoughts and feelings I had about myself, my life, and every single interaction I had with another human being. I started to see myself from other people's point of view, and I didn't always like what I saw. This was when I realized that my Yoga practice was just beginning, and I was barely scratching the surface. I was peeling back layers of assumptions, flaws, perceptions, and guilt. Gosh. It wasn't easy, but man it felt good to let it go. What's interesting, is that a few years after that Yoga competition in 2003, I ran into the fellow who got 1st place. I asked him where he was currently practicing, and he said that he quit Yoga altogether, shortly after that competition. He said, "I got bored. I could already do everything." My jaw dropped. Embarrassingly so. If you know me at all, you know that I wear ALL my emotions on my sleeve. I was flabbergasted! And to be truthful, my heart instantly broke for him. "Oh, no!" I said, "That's too bad! Because that is when it really starts to begin!" These days, I can barely get my butt into a class, nevermind standing splits! My challenge is in finding peace with the fact that life isn't all about me. Life doesn't move as swiftly for me as it used to, and for now, having a little one means I don't get to be as productive as I've been in the past. My physical practice is close to nonexistent most weeks, but when I pay attention, I see opportunities to practice Yoga in any given moment. A deep breath. A side stretch. A twist. Another deep breath. A change in perspective. A letting go of judgement. And... another deep breath. Letting go of what I think my Yoga practice SHOULD look like isn't always easy. And sometimes for me, it can be 100 TIMES more difficult than standing splits. ----------------------------------------- Question: What is/are your greatest challenges with your Yoga practice? Please feel free to inspire others and share your story below!
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Who am i?I'm a busy gal with lots of things on the go. I'm a new mom, I'm a business owner, I'm a Canadian living in the Pacific NorthWest. I'm a wife, I'm a creative, free-thinking, wear-my-heart-on-my-sleeve Yogini who likes to write about whatever's on my mind. I carve my own path, and strive to live my life without permission or validation from others. I'm moved to tears when I get to witness those bold enough to step out of their comfort zones, and I'll passionately stand for anyone willing to be own their unique, authentic, genuine, vibrant self. Archives
September 2017
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