February 8, one year ago, was the last day before everything changed. Four days overdue, I waited… not so patiently… and I wouldn't know it until the next morning, but my baby was arriving.
These past few days have been unexpectedly emotional for me, as I reflect on who I was, what I was thinking, and what I was worried about, exactly one year ago. "How will labour and delivery go? Who are we about to meet? Will I eventually get bored of this child? Am I going to be a good parent? Do I still WANT to do this?" I was very excited, and so very nervous and scared at the same time. My water broke at 8AM, contractions started at 8:30, and after a 'tough day at the office', Waylen Olivia was born at 6:10PM. It's true when people say you forget how painful childbirth is. In fact, there are so many details that I don't remember. But I do remember the overwhelming feeling of love, the moment I held her in my arms. It's strange that she feels more a part of me now, than she did when I was pregnant with her. When I'm with her, I lose my breath, my heartbeat is rapid, I'm teary. And the second I'm away from her, I feel this extreme sense of loss. If we are not in the same room, if I am not touching her, I miss her. The love I feel for her is a love I've never felt before. She's a delicious drug that I can't get enough of. It's terrifying and extremely satisfying. I know, I sound crazy... and obsessed. If I was reading this exactly a year ago, the day before she was born, I'd be doubting every word. I still can't believe she's real. She's healthy, and sweet, and smart. And I'm so incredibly proud of myself and the goals I've managed to fulfill so far as a parent. None of it would have been possible without my wonderfully supportive husband, and his amazing mom. These two, along with our families and friends, have shown me that it really does take a village. We've navigated breastfeeding at least to a year (and still going!), cloth diapering, child-led weaning, and co-sleeping. We've tackled immunizations, car seats, pack n' plays, bath time, sleepless nights, coughs/colds, and teething. We've learned that road trips will never be the same now that we have a little one, and that eventually you forget the horrifying catastrophes that are diaper explosions! No one could have prepared me for what it feels like to be a parent. I'm so thankful that I have the opportunity to experience it for myself. My life has completely changed… I am completely changed. Sometimes I miss the person who I used to be, but I would never, ever trade who I am now for that person I was, exactly a year ago, on February 8.
1 Comment
Diane
2/8/2017 06:43:56 pm
This makes my heart swell with happiness for you, Jenny. Thank you for writing it and then sharing it. Sometimes -- often -- the world feels like a messed-up place. All we can do is bring our love into it. And you, despite worry and fatigue and yep, fear, put a lot of love into our world. We see it when you're with Waylen; we see it when you're teaching yoga and running your studio. So ... keep doing what comes naturally!
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Who am i?I'm a busy gal with lots of things on the go. I'm a new mom, I'm a business owner, I'm a Canadian living in the Pacific NorthWest. I'm a wife, I'm a creative, free-thinking, wear-my-heart-on-my-sleeve Yogini who likes to write about whatever's on my mind. I carve my own path, and strive to live my life without permission or validation from others. I'm moved to tears when I get to witness those bold enough to step out of their comfort zones, and I'll passionately stand for anyone willing to be own their unique, authentic, genuine, vibrant self. Archives
September 2017
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